Okay, I just heard something that feels like someone has punched me in my stomach, there are tears welling up in my eyes, and I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. So I feel like I am bent over with my hands on both knees and my head down, while standing. Did I hear what I think I heard? In my head I am thinking to myself did you do this on purpose, what were your intensions, and do you even realize the consequences? I am trying to get my facial expression together before I lift my head, so how I really feel does not show all over my face. So I wait, in my head I’m beginning to think; how do I fix this, how do I make it right, how do I put this back together again, how do I pick up the pieces without leaving any behind, so maybe just maybe I can somehow become whole again. All of this is running through my head but I still can’t seem to lift my head yet, because now the tears are rolling down my cheeks and I just can’t let anyone see me like this….Oh Lord! What do I do? Who do I talk to? How do I move from this place without making a mess of the mess that is before me?
Then I think back about the times as a child when I fell down and my earthly father came to my aid and picked me up, dusted me off, and told me to try again—wiping away my tears. Right now, at this very moment, at this place in time I need that. However, I am still bent over trying to piece this puzzle together in my head so my heart will stop beating so fast—and my heart beating is all in my head. Then I hear a voice saying I am the lifter up of your head, I AM the great I AM-who do you need me to be, because I am all that and more. Then I hear the same voice say child I feel you—I feel every disappointment, every heartache, every hurt, every let down, every loss, every back stab, punch, and fall. Please believe my beloved—I feel you! I feel you, even when you can not talk about it, I feel it when there is no one you can trust to tell it to, I feel it when you chalk it up and hope it will get better—my precious I feel you. Then, the voice says you are mine, you’ve been mine before the beginning of time. I love you my beloved—no matter how anyone treats or talks to you, I feel you. Just know, I need you to remove yourself from situations and people who render you useless and not even worth your time. I wish you knew your value—I made you splendidly and I molded you in my very hand. I love you now and I will love you even until the end of times. I hope you come to know your own worth and value.
Help me, O Lord my God! Save me because of your unfailing love. Psalm 109:26
By Tina Kay (TKay) author of “TKay’s Inspirationals: Walking In Your Season”
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