Friday, April 30, 2010

Not To Feel

There is a place in life where the only way you can live is not to feel, until you come to a place in life where you understand that there is a dependency on all types of things in life that have no substance, no purpose, and no value...not to feel causes one to lower their self sufficiency and self value so there are never any disappointments when someone has done you wrong, or here we go again with the drama, or when your body begins its decline. To not feel is a way to put up a wall that allows you to live but not really live, I know you are wondering who lives like this? So many, so many who don't want to admit it, so many who are not willing to raise their hand, so many who have given of themselves until their hearts bleed, so many who have opened up but now they feel gutted out....and you ask me who are these people who learn to live a life not feeling in order to may be you, it may be me, it may be your neighbor, lover, or friend...not feeling allows one to push pass the sadness, the obvious, the ordinary, the disappointments, the loneliness, the rejections, the heart aches and breaks--not to feel so I can live...this makes no sense huh, but it makes sense to the person who has learned to live life this way. Intriguing as it may be, so many live like this, it may be you. Living without feeling is a facade so many have learned to mask themselves desperation or anticipation is never apart of their game. If it happens it happens, if not I knew it--but I'm banking on not getting my hopes up ever again so I am not crushed, mutilated, incarcerated, or decapitated. Living this life is a life without faith because one who lives without feeling has been let down more times than they can count, more times than they can imagine or remember...Living a life without feeling helps get the edge off and come to a place where they have to face faith face to face, until living without feeling is a life one comes to understand cannot be a happy place but more of a sad place...this place where you meet God and you have to decide to believe and trust that He can make you whole, He can make you feel, not just any feeling but a feeling that is unscripted and not easy to understand. Maybe, this is why my Savior said "Be not far from me", as He spoke to his Father in heaven. Can the spirit take more than it was built to handle? How many seasons can a man suffer without putting his feelings on the line? Is this possible? Living a life without feeling causes the soul to sink into an abyss where it is hard to retrieve. Many live like this, in this thing called life--many wear their facade, many even die while living, so they can live without feeling.
By Tina Kay Hughes (TKay) Author of "TKay's Inspirationals: Walking In Your Season"

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