Thursday, August 26, 2010

I Used To Love You

The truth is we loved each other a long time ago and there is no way to get back what we once had. At one point in my life I would do whatever you asked, I would go where ever you said go, I would hang onto your every word, and wait for you…longing for our next appointment with destiny…You would never miss a beat always saying the right thing when it needed to be said, always giving me what I wanted, always being there when I felt no one else was there for me…I pushed all my family and friends away so you could occupy every free moment in my life…I loved you, I depended on you alone, I waited in anticipation for you…what would our next thrill be and what would we do next to give me an adrenaline rush, I would sit on the porch looking down the street for your car to come along, I would watch my phone for your number to appear so I could hear your voice…I would check my computer for your messages and check the mail for just a simple letter.

But today, I look back on how I adored you and wonder was it adoration or simply stupidity on my part…You tricked me so many times….Your lies were like the words to my favorite love song…Your actions and touches would make me melt like an ice cube…You could sweep me off my feet with the I’m sorries and please forgive this and that and I would accept it because I loved and missed you…and I would fall head over heals for it each time, not knowing I was being literally pulled in to a dark hole with every thing I accepted and believed from and about you….

So I stand here in this deep dark hole where you’ve placed me while you prey on your next innocent and clueless victim…Here I stand, just me and darkness and I am looking up for the light that will guide me back to the only One who called and considered me His beloved. I stand here alone thinking what have I done and how did I allow these tricks and lies to bring me to a hole for me to die a slow death all alone…but I began to call out to my Adonai (my God who is the Master of my life), El Shaddai (you are sufficient), El Roi (you see everything), My God My God you are the comforter of my soul, you are the only One who can wrap me in your wings so that not even my feet are harmed or hurt the enemy…I cry out with a wail that I’ve never heard come out of belly before this day at this moment in time….I wail because I realize I’ve been bamboozled by the Master of Lies, Satan himself….he fed my flesh, brainwashed my thinking, and kept me running in circles so I would not understand or even recognize his plan of trying to take my life for his own…But what Satan failed to realize is, God planted a seed in my soul that could never be removed when I accepted Him so many years ago…he thought he could woo me, trick me, and leave me in a hole to suffer in silence…Satan did not know God already had a plan in place and a dance with destiny for my soul…Satan can trick you and lure you, but Jesus has already paid the ultimate price for you to belong to our Father if we would only accept Him…God takes even those of us who have hit our bottom who are looking up for the light…

You see my dance with destiny was my choice, but as I laid in that hole waling from the deepest place in my belly God heard my cry, and told me My Beloved I love you, I’ve never forgotten you and I knew you would come back to me as He held His arms out to embrace this wounded and broken soul….no longer confused but now I have a better understanding of unconditional love…God wants me no matter how I look or what I have to offer; whereas, Satan used my weaknesses to lure me into his traps….I thank God for taking me back and loving me with no conditions attached, and His forgiveness, huhh He throws all my shortcomings into the sea of forgetfulness….Yes God rescued me from that hole and He has never stopped loving me in and through all of my foolishness…He was only waiting on me to come to myself and realize no one or thing can ever love me like He can…Now I realize and recognize and I am very weary of those who come into my life….I ask God, should I allow this person into my space, my life, and my secret place….Now I wait for God to let me know who is good for me and who is not. The truth Satan, is we loved each other a long time ago and there is no way to get back what we once had.
By Tina Kay Hughes, Author of “TKay’s Inspirationals: Walking In Your Season”

1 comment:

  1. This is spirital and full of is amazing how we let others bring us from our comfort zone....deserting our loved ones and our friends(even our spirital insight to know right from wrong) only to feel so alone and abbandoned afraid to trust anyone every again....God is the only one who will accept us for all of our faults."I was going through a bad place in my life when I met this guy who told me everything that I wanted and need to hear,little did I know that he was a master in wasn't his looks;handsome as he was,it was the words he used, the look in his eyes, that warm smile.....all had me blinded that I never paid attention to his lies....He was married at the time.I was maybe one of five women,so to be called his mistress I didn't even qualify!This dark hole that you speak of I know it well.Every day it is a struggle for me,and only God helps me through my healing process.It is easy to say that it is over even after all the pain that he has caused,But for him I still feel Love.Even The pretence on his part he now blames me, I am the reason for everything even him saying that he loved me introducing me to his mother and his kids let's me know that he is incapiable of really loving anyone but himself.The love I feel is still there and how do you erase all the memories that we shared ? I can tell my mind to forget,and ask my heart to unlove,but is loving him "MY" punishment for my part in this Adulterous affair?